Harry Potter and the Quest for Manhood
by Popuri
Summary: It all started that one fateful day when Harry began to talk about mascara at the lunch table. One thing led to another. Finally, Harry Potter found himself going on the most difficult quest ever -- the quest to be less effeminate. The Quest for Manhood.


**Harry Potter  
And the Quest for Manhood**  
Written by Alexis  
Edited by Popuri  
  
  


_Chapter 1_  
  
  
Harry Potter was no ordinary boy.  
  
No, not an ordinary boy by any standards.  
  
He was a wizard.   
  
And a very powerful wizard to say the least.   
  
But enough of his greatness and glory. We've all heard that story -- but the story about to be told is not about his greatness, nor his goodness. No... far from it. It is about Harry's most difficult struggle. Not Harry's struggle with Voldemort: goodness gracious no.   
  
This is a story about Harry's struggle for Manhood. It will cover all the trials and tribulations of this poor boy's adolecense. It will talk about the confusion, the embarrassment, and the humiliation -- all the horrors that occurred during Harry Potter's Quest for Manhood.   
  
But where to begin?   
  
Harry's quest was a long and painful one, so it would be best to start at the beginning. To start the day Harry began to show extremely odd tendencies. It all started at breakfast...  
  
Harry Potter walked to the Griffyndor table and sat down next to one of his best friends: Hermione Granger.   
  
"Hello Harry. How are you today?" Hermione asked, as usual.   
  
"Oh! Well, I'm feeling pretty swell, Hermione! And you?" Harry said. A bit too perkily...   
  
"Oh, I'm fine..." Hermione said warily.   
  
Lately, Harry was getting kind of weird.   
  
Not only his attitude, but his behaviour... More than once, she had caught him chatting it up with Ginny about Witch Weekly's new fashion column.   
  
Hearing him talking about how the robin's egg blue halter soooo didn't match the periwinkle blue purse was, to say the very least, a little unsettling.   
  
In fact, Hermione was beginning to think Voldemort had done something other than duel with him the night of the Twizard tournament... "Harry are you sure you're all right?" Hermione asked cautiously.  
  
"Why, yes, Hermione. Why ever would you think something was the matter?" Harry asked, a confused grin spreading out below his glistening green eyes.   
  
"Well... it's just... you seem to be... Well, how should I put this?.. Not entirely yourself." She said calmly.   
  
"Oh Hermione, what do you mean? I'm the same old Harry as I've always been."  
  
"Yes, but still--" She was cut short then, as Harry jumped up to greet Ginny.   
  
She watched in amazement as Harry leaned forward and kissed the air above each of her cheeks.   
  
She was even **more** surprised when Ginny responded by doing the same thing to him.   
  
"Harry, Darling, where have you been?! I've been looking all over the castle for you! The new Witch Weekly has just arrived! It has the most absoloute **juiciest** tips on applying eyeliner in the correct manner. I just know you'll absoloutely **die** when you read it!" Ginny squealed happily.  
  
"OH. MY. GAWD!!! The eyeliner exposé?! I've been waiting for, like, EVER for that to come out!" Harry gushed enthusiastically.   
  
The two of them continued to squeal and snort happily until the mail arrived.   
  
"Oh! Hey, everybody! Look! The mail's here!" Ginny remarked rather stupidly.  
  
"Wow Ginny, really? I thought all those owls were here to read about the eyeliner." Hermione replied dryly.  
  
"OMIGOD! Hermione!! What an idea! Owls wearing make up! Couldn't you just imagine my Hedwig, all made up in light pink rouge and ice blue eyeliner?!?" Harry said happily -- obviously imagining the the possibilities.   
  
"Oh no! Harry, you Silly-Billy!! It would have to be cool blue eyeshadow, and frosty nights eyeliner! Like, duh!" Ginny gushed knowingly. Also obviously imagining the possibilities.  
  
"Oh, of **course**! I don't know where my head was... Matching light pink with ice blue! Of all the ridiculous ideas..."  
  
"It's ok, Harry." Ginny said, patting him on his back. "We all make mistakes sometimes. It's just a matter of learning from those mistakes..." She said soothingly, still rubbing his back.  
  
"Thanks Gin-Gin, I needed that..." Harry said, sniffling lightly.  
  
Hermione, still watching this scene in amazement, stifled a laugh.  
  
' Gin-Gin? '  
  
What kind of a queer, lame-ass nickname was that?  
  
Then she remember Harry.   
  
_What's UP with him? Gossip, make-up, squealing?! What kind of guy does that?_  
  
No one she knew... She looked back at Harry and Gin-Gin gossiping...  
  
Unless... Unless he was... Unless he was **gay**...  
  
NAH, the Great Harry Potter couldn't be gay!   
  
...Could he?  
  
"...Isn't that right Hermione?" Harry asked.  
  
"Oh.. I'm sorry. What?" Hermione said, shaking her head a little.   
  
No, Harry couldn't be gay...  
  
"I said isn't it true that lotion makes the skin softer than if you use hoarse scrubs?" Harry said, obviously displeased that she hadn't been listening.  
  
...Oh yes he could.  
  
"Uh... I'm really not sure, Harry."  
  
"What?! Well you have to at **least** have an opinion! Lotion or scrubs?" Harry demanded forcefully.  
  
"Uh... lotion... I guess." Hermione said awkwardly.   
  
How had she not noticed it before?   
  
Harry was so blatantly gay that anyone could see it... Even Ron could if he wanted to. Hermione was suddenly suffocated by the gayness of the atmosphere and had to get out of there.  
  
"Uh.. I gotta go guys...library...do some work...Bye!" She said before getting up, and leaving the Hall very quickly.  
  
"God, what's her problem? All I did was ask a simple question. Any Cosmo girl would have known!" Harry whined.  
  
"Oh don't mind her, girl -- er -- boy -- er -- _Harry_. She just doesn't understand cosmetics like we do!" Gin-Gin said cheerfully.   
  
Harry nodded in agreement and they continued their conversation on the effects of mascara.   
  
_To Be Continued..._


End file.
